I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
What a dumb baby whore.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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