btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
