shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
He felt like a one man threesome
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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