At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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