WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
