thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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