I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Are we still banned from the library?
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
