He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
