I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
You did what with his pubic hair?
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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