I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
