I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
