why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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