Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Is Oprah even human
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Randomize
