My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize