I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Farmville is her only friend.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
