I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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