I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
