My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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