soooo we both peed the bed last night...
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
