So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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