he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
