I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
