As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
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