I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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