Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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