i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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