I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
