Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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