i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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