Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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