do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
