I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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