Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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