this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
