and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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