You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
