No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Randomize
