I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I looked at my own cervix.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Randomize
