Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
