WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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