She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
pop tarts are not kleenex
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
they're like a gay fantastic four
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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