why didn't you poke me back
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
