this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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