last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
