Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize