Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
