I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
