every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
