i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
