What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
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