so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
