You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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