I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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