You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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