i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
