My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
