Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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