Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
