She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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