Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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