also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
