I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
