Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
