I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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