if i can run in heels then i can drive
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
