May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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