I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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