my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Randomize
