i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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