you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
