Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
