when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
