Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Randomize
