Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
