I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
