im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Semen is not good for contacts.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
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