I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
