Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
