Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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