The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
