I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
