Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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