Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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