Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
