i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
