Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
