So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
