So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize
