Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
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