If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
apparently the secret to your success is patron
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
