it hurts more in the daytime
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
where are you?
Hypothermia
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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