I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
The struggles of a small town man whore
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Randomize
