Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
