im six kinds of drunk right now
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
