I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Randomize
