I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
