I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
