Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Everything about him screamed your future.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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