so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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