Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
