Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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