I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
