So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I didn't notice because vodka
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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