I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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