Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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