And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I think my nap took me to another dimension
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
