yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
there is another microwave in the elevator.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
