3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
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