I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
